Monday, January 26, 2009

Save A Marriage With A Love Basket

If you want to save your marriage or save your relationship, this is a season to try something new and romantic to show your partner that you are willing to make some changes in the way you prioritize your time together. Here is a list of ideas to try. They take work, but can reap great rewards.

For example, you could try using a "love basket". A love basket is a basket that holds a tablecloth, candles, matches, napkins, silverware, and plates. It can be packed by either sex. It is never to be used with friends or with children. It is to be used to enjoy time with your partner alone. You see, you need to choose to make time alone with your spouse, otherwise "life" just gets in the way and you can wind up drifting apart.

Here are some other choices you could make:
  • A date time once a week. Alternate the planning.
  • A daily time, even just 20 minutes, where you take the time to connect with your spouse.
  • A weekly time for sexual intimacy and pleasuring. (More is ok too!)
  • A weekly "issue discussing" time.
Looking for more happiness? Try something unique.
  • Write a love letter or poem to your mate.
  • Create your own David Letterman list: The Top Ten Reasons Why I Love Your Are...
  • Create a gratitude journal. Once a day for a year catch your spouse doing something that you value, admire, love, or respect. Write it down and at the end of the year, give it to your partner as a gift.
  • Give your partner a gift of your time and energy. Offer them a day that you will work on a project that is important to them or free him up to do something they really want to do.
Feelings of love flow from consistent acts of love. It isn't the bad stuff, but rather the lack of good stuff that causes complacency in a relationship. Periodically every marriage suffers from a case of the relationship "blahs". Nothing is terribly wrong, but nothing is particularly right either. You find yourselves simply too busy, too tired, or too stressed to relate effectively. If you are willing to try something new, maybe your relationship is capable of being saved and worthy of it as well. Good Luck!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Stop a Divorce by Encouragement

Stop a Divorce by Encouragement

Do you feel encouraged by your mate in your relationship? Unfortunately, many couples laugh at this kind of question. In fact, if you are having trouble with your marriage and have even considered divorce, chances are that feeling criticized or discouraged is often a major reason we want out of the relationship.

A critical spirit makes a marriage brittle. Love becomes increasingly fragile and weak. If you can find encouragement at home, however, you will want to keep going home after dealing with the normal stresses of the day.

As you likely know, all marriages have ups and downs. If you can stop the destructive cycle of criticism of your mate, those very ups and downs in your relationship will not be as devastating as they used to be. If you start making changes to try and be a more encouraging person , you can expect that rough moments will be seen as an opportunity for growth.

Curious but skeptical? Consider how you respond to criticism. Do you turn inward by feeling defensive, deflated and demoralized? Do you turn against by firing back your own criticisms or threaten to leave? Or do you turn away and withdraw and nurse your wounds, afraid of another conflict--leaving you to feel victimized by your partner's words. All of these responses kill love.

You have another choice. Turn towards your partner by:
  • Say "ouch". Let your partner know that you were hurt by what they said.
  • Ask for a Do-over. Let your partner know that you don't want to accept what they just said to you as a way to build your relationship. Ask them to try to say it a different way.
  • Take a Time-out. If you are really uncomfortable with the way a conversation sounds and you can't deal with it correctly, tell your partner you need time to cool off before starting the conversation again. Set a definite time to try again--like an hour. If you need more time, ask for it.
  • Admit your part. If you are sliding into a critical spirit yourself, admit it right away and try again.
I understand that this is a very difficult thing to change quickly in a relationship. However, if you are facing a divorce and want to stop it; or you are trying to find healing in your marriage, it is worth the time and effort to try and fix this thing.

In conclusion, take the following comments as something to think and act on with your partner. Love always gives an opportunity for a new start. In a long-term marriage it is far too easy to overvalue what someone is not and to undervalue who he or she is. Adjust your attitude from focusing on what is wrong to focusing on what is right. Practice noticing behaviors and interactions that you like and admire. Saying "I love you" gets you a grade of B+ ; but saying "I love this specific thing about you" gets you an A+. Commit this day (and every day after that) to encourage your partner. Begin to do this more often than you criticize your partner, and divorce should no longer be such an appealing option for either side.

Stop a Divorce by Encouragement

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Avoiding A Love Break Up

Avoiding A Love Break Up

If you’ve ever had your love break up you know how painful it is. And if you thought back after the relationship ended, you probably saw all the signs that you didn’t recognize before. If you’ll remember those signs and keep them in mind, they can help you prevent a break up in the future. And they can also help you get back together after a split.

One sure sign of impending love break up is the lack of physical contact. This doesn’t just mean sex. If your partner suddenly stops having an interest in sex, that’s a good sign that a break up is coming. But the normal flow and rhythm of a relationship has times when there’s lots of sex and times when there’s not much. This is natural.

A love break up is probably on the horizon though, if your partner stops holding your hand for no apparent reason. Or he or she stops putting an arm over your shoulder at the movies or in public when he or she always did it before. Any sudden changes like not touching you much outside the bedroom when your partner was always very affectionate before could signal problems.

If it goes beyond not touching to the person actually becoming uncomfortable at your touch, then you definitely need to have a conversation with your partner about what’s going on. Don’t just assume that because your partner flinched away from your touch that there’s about to be a love break up, though. Many things can cause a person to not want to be touched at any given moment.

A person might have been thinking of something else and been surprised or startled by the touch. He or she might think that your touch signals that it’s time to have sex, if you’re not very affectionate except when you want to be intimate. And maybe your partner isn’t in the mood for sex now and chose to show you that by moving away from your touch. That doesn’t mean you’re headed for a love break up.

Your partner might simply not feel good. Every change in a person’s behavior doesn’t signal an impending love break up or even anything wrong with the relationship. You have to watch them closely for a while to determine if some behavior is an occasional thing, something brought on only during certain times, or if it’s a permanent part of the person’s make up.

Catching your partner in lies, even what seem like small and harmless ones, could be a sign of problems, too. After all, if a lie is small and harmless, why tell it in the first place? Where there’s one tiny lie, larger and more damaging lies can grow. Don’t become convinced it’s a love break up right away though. People lie about many things that aren’t bad, like surprise parties and reunions. Your partner might be trying to keep a harmless and fun secret like that, instead of scheming about a love break up.

Avoiding A Love Break Up

Saturday, January 10, 2009

Can I Save My Marriage?

Can I Save My Marriage?

It is sad to see many marriages that are in turmoil, and it is especially disconcerting to see them end up as messy divorces, so you may ask how can I save my marriage? Filing for divorce is not the only solution for when a marriage has hit its pushing limits. There are a number of solutions that require that both partners to be fully committed in saving the relationship that they have. The first step is counseling, which enables the couple to have a mediator in dealing with their issues.

In addition to professional services, there are a number of different things that can be done to save a marriage. It is not a complicated process and does not require much outside of both parties working towards the common goal. Below are four things that you can take to heart and utilize to "save my marriage" and improve the odds of successfully avoiding divorce.

First, know that the perfect marriage is a myth. Whenever two people are brought together, there will be problems, including the few that can grow into deal breakers in your marriage. This is a natural result of bringing two people together. Even perfect twins differ in likes and dislikes. For the marriage to succeed, the couple must learn to deal with the rough patches and overcome their problems. Seeking perfection will only destroy everything. People make mistakes, work with your partner and overcome the problems you face, and you'll realize it is possible to "save my marriage."

Second, good communication is vital, for when the communication is insufficient; the marriage is doomed to face problems. The most vital thing is to be honest with your partner. Just about every issue and problem can be solved if communication is maintained.

The third tip is to accept compromise. Many have made this an art, with good reason. The middle ground that will enable a conclusion to the conflict has to mesh with both parties and their interests before it can "save my marriage." Marriage on a whole is about compromise and knowing that there are times when your spouse will have to give and times when you have to give in order to "save my marriage."

Really, a marriage is about commitment, the fourth tip. Like a car, if it breaks down, you don't abandon the car on the side of the road. The only time you do get rid of the car is when there is no hope. Saving your marriage involves the same level of commitment and working towards making things work, if you ever have a chance to "save my marriage."

Sometimes, the damage to the marriage totals it, and no matter what you do, nothing can change it. Some issues cannot be solved, counseling cannot help. It is in these cases that divorce makes sense. Outside of these cases, divorce is not the answer. Instead, you should work with your partner to solve the issues that plague your marriage, and hopefully you will be able to say that you can "save my marriage."

Can I Save My Marriage?

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

How To Get Over Someone You Love

How To Get Over Someone You Love

If you want to know how to get over someone you love, you must realize that none of the answers are easy ones. No matter how ready you might think you are to move on and get over that person, that you have to ask how to do it at all shows that it’s going to be a painful process. Sometimes it’s a slow process, too. You might think you’re over someone and a year or two later be reminded of that person and feel all the pain and sadness again. That doesn’t mean you’re not over the person, though.

If you’ve had a lot emotionally invested into a relationship and it ends, it’s something that can potentially make you feel sad for years. Maybe even for the rest of your life. But that doesn’t mean the sadness has to be paralyzing or has to throw you into a depression. By getting over the person, you can realize that losing them made you sad, and look back on it as you would any sad loss. It’s the period of time soon after the loss that should be the hardest, that makes you ask how to get over someone you love.

If the break-up is new, often the only way to deal with it is just to face the pain and ride it out. It’s going to hurt, no matter what you do. But there are some things you can do to lessen the pain. You can remove obvious visual reminders of the person, if possible. Photographs of them can be put away for a while. Gifts they gave you can be stored instead of displayed. You can even avoid the places you used to go together for a while. This tip can be found in pretty much every list that explains how to get over someone you love, so it’s at least a popular idea that’s worth a try.

If you’re really having trouble living your life after the break-up, it might be necessary to seek counseling. Simply explain that you’ve just been through a painful break-up and ask the counselor how to get over someone you love. They can offer helpful advice, and can be more specific that generic lists about how to get over someone you love. A counselor can also probably offer better advice than friends or family.

Your friends and family might feel they know your situation too well. Some may have motives for help you get over the person. They might not have liked that you were in the relationship to begin with, so they might want you to get over things or move on to another person too quickly. With a counselor, though, you can safely tell them things about the relationship you probably don’t want friends or family to even know.

If you want a different sort of perspective on the dating scene altogether and are tired of the pain associated with breaking up, I have a different set of articles for you to take a look at. Although quite different from the type of advice offered in this article, maybe it will give you an idea that works. To try something new, click here.

How To Get Over Someone You Love

Saturday, January 3, 2009

How To Stop My Divorce

How To Stop My Divorce

First, if you were the one who made the decision to end the marriage and now you wonder, how can I stop my divorce? you should realize that you’re in a much better position than most people trying to save their relationships. You’ll need to swallow your pride and go to your spouse with an apology. Explain that you acted hastily and that now you regret it. Explain that you no longer want the divorce, and maybe even that you never wanted it but you spoke out of anger and you were wrong.

This might seem a difficult step, but it’s necessary. Since you were the one to bring up the issue of divorce, your spouse might have started seriously considering and thinking that it’s a good idea, too. When you want to know, “How to stop my divorce,” you need to discover what your spouse thinks of the idea and make it clear that you were wrong. Unless they’ve had a lot of time and reason to decide that you were right and divorce is the best step, you can probably save the marriage just by admitting you made a mistake.

If you’re wondering, “How can I stop my divorce when I didn’t want it in the first place,” then you have your work cut out for you. You can explain, without judgment or accusations, that you think the marriage is worth saving and that you don’t want a divorce. Chances are that you’ve done this, more than once. But the way you say it can make a difference.

It’s important for you to be very mature and calm about it. That’s not always easy to do. Divorce is an emotional and painful thing. But it’s one thing to cry while explaining that you want to stay married, and entirely another to yell or dissolve into hysterics. If you scream, accuse or point fingers at your spouse, you’re giving him or her even more reason to want to get away from you. If you want to learn ‘how to stop my divorce’ you have to let go of the anger and resentment you feel toward your spouse for ever suggesting it in the first place.

You also have to be willing to work on your problems. You must agree that the relationship can’t go back to the way it was, but must change for the better. Suggest marital counseling. Explain, “I want to stop my divorce,” but make it clear you know your spouse was unhappy with the way things were, and you’re ready to make them better.

How To Stop My Divorce

Thursday, January 1, 2009

How To Get Over Someone Fast

How To Get Over Someone Fast

When a relationship ends, especially if you're not the one who ended it, how to get over someone becomes very important. It’s not always easy to get over a person you’ve been with, though. If you’ve been with that person for a very long time it’s even harder. It might be pretty easy to get over a relationship that’s lasted 3 months. But if you've been with someone for 3 years, it's hard to get over that person at all, let alone get over them quickly. Fortunately, there are some things you can do to speed up the process.

When you're wondering how to get over someone, sit in a chair in your living room or bedroom, wherever there’s a very strong sense of the other person. Remove anything that reminds you of that person a great deal. This isn't always easy to do, but every little bit helps. If you've bought a dog together, for instance, of course you won’t want to get rid of the dog. But anything your ex bought for you that’s on display like a knick-knack or something hanging on the wall would be a good thing to remove for a while.

If you have lots of things that will remind you of your ex, you're probably wondering how to get over someone without making your rooms completely bare. But even if you picked out practically everything together, you don’t have to remove everything to make this work. Just choose items that have particularly strong memories.

Maybe you picked out the couch together, but it's one of the throw pillows that you bought or the figurine on the end table he or she gave you as a gift that seems to make you feel sad when you look at it. Remove those items and store them for a while, just to make things easier on you.

If you’re having a really hard time and feel that you can handle it, you can think of all your ex’s bad qualities. Of all the methods of how to get over someone, this is the one where you actually think of your ex the most, so if just the very thought of them brings you to tears you might not be ready for this step. Think of the things you disliked the most about them. If you can’t thing of anything, just move on. But most of us can come up with a long list of things we dislike about someone, especially if they were the ones to end the relationship.

A popular method of how to get over someone is to simply start dating again. Many people balk at this idea—they think they still love the ex and aren’t ready. You can do this even if you’re still in love with your ex. No one says you have to fall in love anytime soon. But dating or even going out with friends isn’t just how to get over someone, it’s how to keep from feeling sorry for yourself while you try.

How To Get Over Someone Fast