Stop a Divorce by Encouragement

Stop a Divorce by Encouragement

Do you feel encouraged by your mate in your relationship? Unfortunately, many couples laugh at this kind of question. In fact, if you are having trouble with your marriage and have even considered divorce, chances are that feeling criticized or discouraged is often a major reason we want out of the relationship.

A critical spirit makes a marriage brittle. Love becomes increasingly fragile and weak. If you can find encouragement at home, however, you will want to keep going home after dealing with the normal stresses of the day.

As you likely know, all marriages have ups and downs. If you can stop the destructive cycle of criticism of your mate, those very ups and downs in your relationship will not be as devastating as they used to be. If you start making changes to try and be a more encouraging person , you can expect that rough moments will be seen as an opportunity for growth.

Curious but skeptical? Consider how you respond to criticism. Do you turn inward by feeling defensive, deflated and demoralized? Do you turn against by firing back your own criticisms or threaten to leave? Or do you turn away and withdraw and nurse your wounds, afraid of another conflict--leaving you to feel victimized by your partner's words. All of these responses kill love.

You have another choice. Turn towards your partner by:

• Say "ouch". Let your partner know that you were hurt by what they said.
• Ask for a Do-over. Let your partner know that you don't want to accept what they just said to you as a way to build your relationship. Ask them to try to say it a different way.
• Take a Time-out. If you are really uncomfortable with the way a conversation sounds and you can't deal with it correctly, tell your partner you need time to cool off before starting the conversation again. Set a definite time to try again--like an hour. If you need more time, ask for it.
• Admit your part. If you are sliding into a critical spirit yourself, admit it right away and try again.

I understand that this is a very difficult thing to change quickly in a relationship. However, if you are facing a divorce and want to stop it; or you are trying to find healing in your marriage, it is worth the time and effort to try and fix this thing.

In conclusion, take the following comments as something to think and act on with your partner. Love always gives an opportunity for a new start. In a long-term marriage it is far too easy to overvalue what someone is not and to undervalue who he or she is. Adjust your attitude from focusing on what is wrong to focusing on what is right. Practice noticing behaviors and interactions that you like and admire. Saying "I love you" gets you a grade of B+ ; but saying "I love this specific thing about you" gets you an A+. Commit this day (and every day after that) to encourage your partner. Begin to do this more often than you criticize your partner, and divorce should no longer be such an appealing option for either side.

Stop a Divorce by Encouragement